Why I Don’t Like to Predict the Future

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You may think receiving a Tarot reading will give you answers about future events. I have given predictive readings before but I just find them not very useful. I believe that the future is not certain. It may be probable but it is not certain. As a matter of fact, just receiving the reading could change the very outcome it is predicting by giving the person insight into what’s to come. I always make sure to emphasize if you do not like the outcome, change it! You have the power!

What is much more valuable during a reading is to look at the now. This is the moment that will determine your future. This moment right now. Do you really want to know if this person is your Soulmate? Wouldn’t you much rather gain some insight into how you can best attract your Soulmate? When you change yourself and your beliefs you change your future so why not work on who you are now?

Recently Tarot Counselor James Wells wrote a post about why he won’t perform emergency readings and that is what got me thinking of this topic. You can read his post here.  I admire him very much for saying no in these cases. Sometimes I would like to say no to people that want to know what the future brings. I feel like I am not doing them justice by doing this. Hmmm, lots to think about. See? I’m changing!

What Kind of Tarot Reader Do You Want To Be?

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I spent a lot of time today thinking about the many different Tarot readers that I know and how unique each one is in their reading style. This got me to  thinking. What kind of Tarot reader am I? Am I a fortune teller? a problem solver? a healer? Am I an intuitive reader or a method reader? All of these styles can be impactfull, but what is very important is to define our style and makes sure we communicate it so our clients know what to expect.

I think the type of Reader we become has a lot to do with our initial encounters with Tarot and the impact it had on us.

So, I ask myself the following questions:

What drew me into Tarot? Why did I want it?

You maybe thinking “I’ve always been interested in Tarot” but there is more to it when you really think about it. I wanted answers. I wanted to know the future and I wanted to know what others were thinking. Why? It made me feel more secure and in control of my situations. That is what initially drew me to Tarot. The fear of not knowing what the future would bring. If this is what drew me than that is most likely what many others are looking for. To get there you must be willing to hear what the cards say. This is not always easy. I am very honest about my impressions when I read. Sometimes the message can sting but this is the only way to get to the heart of the matter.

Next question: What was my first reading like? What impact did it make on me? What was so profound that I wanted to learn to use them myself. Well I don’t remember my first reading exactly because I got so many from my Aunt during my life but I do remember some really profound ones. Often in a good way but I must confess that when I received readings often they were less meaningful. For this reason I recommend to my clients not to receive readings often. A reading should be a big deal and not be taken lightly. No matter what the message, it should make an impact to the client and give them lots to think about.

Often I tried to manipulate the reading I received in my mind to be the answers I wanted to hear, especially when I read for myself. Guess what. It never worked. The Tarot is usually right no matter how much I try to convince myself the cards could have meant something else.  To avoid this with my client I ask them to decide what they want the outcome to be and we use the cards to find out how to make it happen. Seems to work better that way. Keep in mind that the outcome they think they want is not always the case. You really must dig deep here. Make sure you get to what it really is they want. A really obvious example is they want someone to love them. Well really what they want is to have a relationship with their soulmate. It may not be the person they think it is. It is important to dig these things out before the reading. Ask the question why a lot.

One last thing you should think about when deciding what kind of reader you will be is what was going on in your life when you started your journey with Tarot and how did Tarot affect your life situation. My life was in complete turmoil at the time. My relationship with Tarot at the beginning was to get rid of uncertainty. What it ended up being was a tool for healing and inspiration.

My advise to anyone reading this that wants to be a Tarot reader is to figure out what you want to give and stick to it. Be really up front about what you will deliver so there will be no questions in your clients mind about what they can expect from you. Go ahead and explore new methods and if your style changes that’s fine but make sure you  are clear about it. 

I think the most important advise I could give to anyone that wants to be a Tarot reader is be authentic to yourself and your natural gifts. Don’t try to force something that doesn’t come naturally and remember that we all have something to offer in our own unique way.

Journey Through the Tarot – A Study Group for learning Tarot

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Years ago when I first began learning Tarot I longed for a group of people with similar interests that I could learn from and share with. I did find one that was great fun. It was in the instructor’s home and for a small fee she would teach different aspects of the Tarot and then would have a group reading for one person in the group. Unfortunately it ended soon after it began and there was nothing else in the area. From then on my Tarot community was strictly on line in forums like Aeclectic Tarot Forum.

That was 10 years ago and since then I have done lots of readings for people and learned with Tarot masters from all over the world.  I have accumulated so much knowledge and experience and now I would like to share it with others. I have started a group on meetup.com for the purpose of studying Tarot.

I will lead a study group currently meeting every other Tuesday at the Peekskill Coffee House from 7 to 9pm.  Each meeting we will explore one card in depth and then I will have an extra lesson that can be anything from ‘entering’ into the card to learning elemental dignities. I have a endless amount of interesting things to share. Once you RSVP for the meeting I will send you the materials that we will be going over for that meetup.  The cost is only $10 and the first meetup you come to is free! So please join us this Tuesday, Oct. 16 as we delve into the meaning of the Magician card and then move on to study the meaning of the suit of Wands!

You can reach me at hvtarot at me dot com if you have any questions or to RSVP

Judgement – Entering the card

Judgement

 

This entry is dated 1/1/03 from my Tarot Journal and copied exactly as is.

Awareness. They are free. What once seemed like such a puzzle is so clear and easy to see.  They are “sunbathing in God’s love”.  Totally in touch with their inner selves.  The Angel sounded the trumpet that awakened them.

When I entered into the card I was standing on water.  I saw the Angel swoop through the cloud bursting it into 2.  It was blowing the trumpet.  There was no flag on the trumpet.  People were flinging open their caskets and standing in awe of the Angel.  The Angel continued to fly back and forth and in circles around the lake as more and more caskets would pop out of the  water and people burst out.  The woman in front of me extended her hand and I stepped in her box.  I could feel the cold darkness around my feet and calves inside the box, yet outside the box the rest of me felt warm, alive and refreshed.  It was beautiful outside.

Then I went to the child alongside me and went in his box.  Instinctively I picked him up and held him.  It was then I realized I was wearing clothes.  I felt awkward being the only one wearing clothes.  So, in my vision I made myself naked and it felt perfectly wonderful to do so.  As I held this child to my naked breast, I knew he was mine.  Love and joy overwhelmed me at being able to hold him again.  I ran my hands through his thick, gold hair.  The Angel came down t me and motioned me to come to him, but I didn’t want to leave my son.  I looked into my son’s eyes.  They were hazel.  I didn’t want to leave him. I took one last look and put him down.  I let the Angel lift me up and as we flew away, my son said he loved me and we would be together soon. He told me it is never the end.  The Angel and I soared away over land.  I saw people journeying towards the lake.  I was wearing a white gauzy dress now. I saw The Devil laughing as two people in chains fought with each other. I saw Death riding through on his hoarse.  Barrenness on one side of him, lush green and a stream on the other.  I saw the Tower crumbling as people still tried to climb up it.  Others walked away toward the lake.  We went past Strength, the lion growling as we approached.  She smiled at us as she caressed and soothed the lion.  I saw the Chariot riding away from his city.  I saw the Empress and the Angel brought us down so that we hovered right in front of her.  She gave me the most warm, loving smile I had ever seen as she rubbed her pregnant belly.  The Angel dropped me off in the Temple of the High Priestess.  There were white pillars lined up along the path to her throne where she sat ever so silent.  The Temple was all open.  No walls.  White marble floor.  In between the pillars were basins of water like in church where they put the Holy Water. As I walked toward her I stopped at each one and threw water in my face and on my head.  I was soaked. It was then I knew it was time for me to come out.

 

via Judgement.

Tending My Fire

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Tending My Fire

I have been meditating on the theme for this Round Robin Blog post all day. Here is what I have in my notes:

“Beltane Round Robin them is Fire Tends to all.  The one who watches the fire for others.  Those who keep sacred space sacred.  People who focus on their work and do not look for attention nor do they deny the value of their work.”

More and more I find myself realizing how very much I admire this quality and also how I need to embody it more.  Often I work for the sake of the recognition and for monetary rewards, especially in my day job but also in my Tarot and Reiki work.  I did the following reading to help bring me back to what’s important. This is relevant for all I do. I want to be focused on what I am giving and spreading and not so much on making money or getting recognition. If what I do has helped improve someone’s life, day or even just their afternoon, then that is my fulfillment. The recognition is nice and indeed welcome and I acknowledge the payment for services is necessary, but it should not be what drives me.

Here is the spread and reading using my brand new Angel Tarot Cards by Doreen Virtue and Radleigh Valentine’s.

What is my role (Tarot)?

I pulled the Knight of Air for this question. The tireless crusader who fights for what he believes. He stands for his truth and does not get sidetracked. Stick to one thing. Don’t try to fit into any Niche where I don’t feel inspired or believe. I don’t have to know everything but what I claim to know I must know well. Remain trustworthy. My clients will look to me for my honesty and readings that have integrity and truth to them.

How can I best serve others in this role?

The Moon – This confirms what I have been drawn to lately and that is developing my psychic skills. One way I have done that is to become more active and to spend more time with nature which is depicted in this card. I can also help others by removing any fears my clients may have for Tarot and psychic readings. Be real. Be myself.

What drives me?

Six of Fire – Are the cards mocking me???? The phrase on this card reads, “Victory! Good news is on it’s way. Public recognition or awards.” Isn’t this what I am trying to get away from. Or maybe this is reinforcing what I knew the problem is? It feels good when clients gush about what a great reading I give or how great my blog posts are. Would I still ride so tall and proud if I didn’t get the praise? that is what I need to make sure I do. I am victorious with or without the recognition as long as I help others.

How do I come back to keeping the sacred space sacred?

Two of Air – This card is telling me to make my decision and act. I cannot move forward if I am always second guessing what others are looking for in me. I must forget that and be my authentic self. Let my colors show and be my own unique self. Decide which direction I want to take things and do it.

I’ll be using this new deck for a while to get a feel for it. My initial impressions are good despite the rather pretentious claims made about the deck being the only ‘trustworthy’ one out there. I am putting that aside to give an unbiased opinion on the Tarot deck itself.

Marching Through What Blocks Me

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Reading with Tarot of Celtic Fairies by Mark McElroy

This past Friday I went to a New Moon Meditation/ceremony let by Pamela Cucinell to bring in the New Moon in Taurus.  The question posed before the guided meditation was “what do I want to create and bring into physical form?” My first thoughts were of my home and how I have been guided to “begin at the core” which I interpret as my home and refinishing the front door and working on the kitchen. To help with this process I decided to use a “new to me” deck called Tarot of Celtic Fairies by Marc McElroy. I used his Fairy Processional Spread from the book which examines your fears and concerns, hopes and dreams and how to get through the blocks.

Cards 1&2 are fears and concerns

8 of Spears – The Fairies are flying in all different directions.  So much going on and so quickly  They are bound to be in a collision! There is no order. They need to focus their energy in one direction. This reminds me on how my imagination can go off in so many directions pulling me from the goal at hand. Will I be getting in my own way?

King of Spears – An offering? Pretense vs Purpose is the key phrase.  Will I actually deliver? Am I taking on too much? Can I really afford to start the kitchen right now? Last thing I need is more debt.  What do I really want?

Cards 3&4 are hopes and dreams

2 of Spears – Coincidence that the fairy in this card is Luchtaine, a woodworker? This reflects my hope that I can hire someone to help us with some of the work. Especially the kitchen floor.  This card also means deciding what I want by choosing the materials. Time to commit.

Cards 5,6 &7 are my ideas for action

9 of Stones – Take aim and fire! Find my mark and take a shot. What am I waiting for? The keywords for this card are mastery and discipline. The snail says take your time and do it right.

6 of Swords – The image in this card depicts fairies marching along the Fairy path. Blocking this path with a building causes misfortune, however by leaving the doors open we allow the natural flow of the Fairy Path to go unimpeded.  I am reminded by this card that improvements to my home will enable a natural energy flow to occur that will allow my creativity and productivity to come more easily. This is where it all starts.

Page of Swords – Key words bravery vs stupidity. This card reminds me not to take on any tasks I don’t have the skills for or are just too big for one person.

In summary, I need to put self doubt behind me and start doing something. I know what I need to do, but just need to get there. My guides have been telling me to start at the core for months. My home is my center. I need to put it first right now and make it reflective of the healing work I want to do. I believe that in doing so my creative energy and productivity will flow more easily if I change the energy of my home by giving it some love.

The Tarot of the Celtic Fairies by Mark McElroy, artwork by Eldar Minibaev is a rich and well thought out deck that brings deep and meaningful answers in a reading. There is a very attractive and helpful book with this deck that goes into the author’s thoughts while creating this deck and the important symbols used in each card. Mark keeps the book brief yet thorough which I love. I don’t find books that go into pages of detail on each card very helpful. I prefer Marks style of getting right to the pertinent information for each card. This book is not just informative but beautifully done with colored pictures, sketches from the artist that show the process of creation and  lots of information about the fairies themselves. I did have to look up the cards to really get the full meaning of them since I don’t have a lot of knowledge of the Fairy realms. Some may not like this, but with such a well written book I did not feel uncomfortable with this. It would take me a fair amount of time to become familiar enough with this deck to use intuitively and without the book. I think I will save this for my more relaxed, personal readings where time is not an issue. I am extremely impressed by the beauty and depth of this deck. Very well done. Some of the best artwork I have seen in some time.

Free Reading Giveaway using Tarot of Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende

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Free Reading Giveaway using Tarot of Sweet Twilight by Cristina Benintende.

You – Who you are right now and where you are in your life – Temperance – I see you here standing alone in the middle of this barren desert, yet still believing in hopes and dreams.  You believe in happiness. You believe in your Soul Mate. You are like a beacon that will ultimately attract good things to you because you have the right attitude.  For this alone I say you are full of good luck.  You exude hope and that is what will bring your turest desires to you. I do see also that the desert you are standing in is barren and empty.  You’re standing high on a rock, going no where and showing all your beautiful colors and no one is there to see them.  If you want to find your soulmate, you have to put yourself out there where he can see you.  You are waisting your time where you

 

Your dreams – Who you would like to become or where you would like to go – 3 of Swords

No one dreams of heartache.  No one wishes for it, but many of us tend to expect it based on our past experiences.  This card shows a woman stabbing herself in the heart and drawing blood as she points to the past.  Sometimes past disappointments condition us to expect the worse and often we end up destroying our dreams ourselves as a way of protecting our hearts.  Kind of like, “I’ll end this before they do so I won’t get hurt”. This position states where you would like to go. You want to go back to the way things were before your heart was broken, yet at the same time you don’t want to repeat the events that brought you to a broken heart.  The best of both worlds is to capture the happy feelings of the past without repeating the events that led down the path of heartache. This card shows that the pain is still very acute. Don’t make hasty decisions just to ease the pain. As we will get to in the other cards, this is a time of reassessment for you. To take objective stock of what you want and need and not what puts a bandaid on the pain.

What you believe – 3 of Pentacles

 – When I first looked at this card I thought the woman was looking in a mirror and seeing a totally different image from her true self. I felt that what you believe to be true may be different. Looking at the card closer, I see that it is not a mirror but 2 different people, but I feel the above is worth mentioning. Threes are about being open to new things. They are about urges and experiences that give us the motivation to move forward. In this case it is your strong belief that the 2 of you are very well suited for each other and can do wonderful things together. It is your belief that you both are indeed Soul Mates. There is a pentacle hanging above both their heads  and another in front of one of their hearts. This shows you believe that the 2 of you are of like minds. You both think alike. There is also an attraction of opposites here. We have night and day.  One woman has the moon in her hair as a sign on night and the other’s hair is on fire and weightless. Opposites coming together. I also see the pentacle over the heart as one giving more of themselves then the other. Perhaps you felt that you gave all that you could and this is not noticed by the other person.  You gave so much and invested so much time and energy because you believed in the 2 of you. Pentacles are the world of material things. So I am thinking you took a lot of time and effort to make his world as comfortable and pleasant as you could and can not understand why he would leave that environment that you worked so hard to create for him.

What you know – 7 of Chalices

– You feel lost without him and perhaps you have been left in a difficult position as well.  The woman in the card is in the middle of a thick jungle.  As she stares into the ripples of the water, she sees nothing but her bare bones. As if her feelings have stripped her bare. Sevens are a time of temptations and distractions that test us to see if we are truly dedicated to our task. You know the temptation is there to look at things with a distorted view due to your deep feelings for this person. You also know that you can not let your feelings for this person define who you are. It is so easy right now to get totally absorbed in them, but you have a lot of work ahead of you to find your way out of this and that won’t happen if you don’t stop seeing yourself as incomplete without him. You also know that when we look at our situations with an emotional heart it is easy to see what we want instead of what is really there.  Perhaps it is time to re-examine your feelings more objectively and ask yourself who you really are and what it is you want in a relationship. Ask yourself if it is possible with this person or if it is time to let go and give your heart elsewhere. Don’t let your feelings cloud your judgement.

What you feel – 7 of Pentacles

 – I immediately get the impression you are feeling overwhelmed and confused with the different views you are getting from others on this situation. Remember, the sevens are about distractions and temptations. This can be very confusing with all that is going on around you. I see you in the far off distance with the largest pentacle. You know you have the answer. What is it? You own the answer. You mentioned that there are some saying he is your Soul Mate, and some that say he isn’t.  You must look to your own feelings. Ignore what is going on around you and decide for your self. This needs to be a practical decision. You may be feeling like you can’t live without him now, but that is the illusion of the sevens talking. You may feel small and left out and even an overwhelming financial burden now that he is gone, but you can get through this even if it means changing the plans that you had for your future.   

What do you think – 2 of Cup

– Well, I will say right up front that you will indeed come to your Soul Mate and honestly right now, I don’t think it is this man. I will also mention that I believe that a Soul Mate is not strictly the perfect person to share your life with. A Soul Mate can also be someone that affects our lives deeply. The man you are in love with now has left a big footprint on your life and affected who you are in a big way. I believe that this does make him a Soul Mate, but I also know that you are looking for the man that will complete you and be by your side forever. He is out there. You think you know what you want now, but the sevens in this reading are saying that you may not be seeing things objectively. What this card tells me is that you need to think about what you want and need from your partner. Someone that will see your inner beauty, that will love to do the same things as you. Someone who hangs on your every word and adores you. One that can give you a wonderful sense of peace and fulfillment. Most important one that will stay by your side all the way. The caduceus, a sign of healing and the union of opposites floats above his hand along with a red rose indicating his passion for you. His delight is in watching the beautiful bouquets that come from you. It is everything you could want. I think that you will be truly awakened when this perfect partner comes into your life. You will then be able to look back and see this time and this relationship as it really is.

To sum it up, there are two 7’s in this reading which indicate that things may not be what they seem and it is a time to test if you are indeed meant to be with this person.  Adjustments may very well be necessary. To answer your questions directly I do not feel this man will be back as indicated in the Temperance card by the barren desert. Any attempts or efforts by you to woo him back will go unnoticed. Your energies need to be focused on getting yourself out of this emotional jungle (7 of cups) and feelings of being alone and overwhelmed (7 of Pents) and spent on imagining the most perfect relationship and what you really want and deserve.  Fact is you can’t love someone who is not there, but if you show your true colors and be your true self to the right audience, you will draw the right person to you in no time. You are a magnet for this! You are just waisting it on the wrong audience!

1 Comment Manage Comments for this Entry
angellady1
This reading is amazing!! I was as though you were reading personally for me, it discribes my present situation perfectly, it is about me and how im feeling, and i have taken great comfort from it, i love your style of reading and how you interpret each card and how they all come together and make perfect sense to me!
Thankyou for your wonderful and accurate insights in this eye opening spread
!

Justice – Entering the card

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Key Words: Balance, justice, objective, unbiased.

Justice

My journal entry for Justice started with a meditation into the card done on 8/11/02. At the time I was single and looking for a partner to share my life with.I told her I was there to find out what she could teach me. She asked me if I was ready and I said yes.

She said she would show me what the true desires of my heart are. She will slice through the veil that covers my eyes and get to the heart of the matter. She turned and sliced through the red veil behind her. I knew by looking that I was hoping for a man to take care of me and make me feel secure. Yet the truth is I will never find him if that is what I am looking for. I need to learn that I can find happiness in myself and that I can tek care of myself and be secure in myself with out a man. When I find that in me, I will be able to find the kind of love that will complement me and I can grow with. Justice gave me her scale and told me that whenever it comes time for me to make a decision I must weigh the outcomes to discover what is truly important to me.

In a reading – She will reveal to truth and show you what is really important. May mean a legal matter is coming up. Indicates you must weigh many factors . Take guidance from your inner self. Think before taking action. Be prudent.

Mental – Clear, unbiased thinking. UnemotionalSpirit – A sense of righteousness.

Emotionally – Being unemotional. Not letting how you feel cloud your thinking. Physical – Your hard work will pay off. You will see the results of your efforts. A fair and just outcome.

Soulful – Karma.Business – Legal field. Fair workplace. Good management skills.

Relationship – Could mean divorce. The point in the relationship where your head comes out of the clouds and you see the other for what they really are.

Problematic – Being sued or taken to court.

Beneficial – Getting fair treatment.

via Justice.

Story From a Reiki Class

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Welcome to the Tarot Blog Hop from Marcia McCord’s Blog! If you are following the blogs you most likely came from

The theme of this Hop is , “Ostara: Paint a journey with new life!”.

My blog post is a story of sorts. Perhaps a testimony. What is special is that you are witness to it and are invited to partake in it as well. You see, this is the beginning of my new Journey.

The past month has been stressful for me and very sad due to the tragic death of an old boyfriend (he is mentioned in my prior post). So what should be a wonderfuly fulfilling and spiritual weekend for me, has started out unsettling and difficult. Even today as my husband and I flew to Michigan to take a Reiki course with WIlliam Rand, numerous things went wrong, testing me and my ability to be in the now and let go of negative feelings and thoughts. I was even tempted to drop out of this blog hop feeling it was just one more thing I had to get done. Twice before leaving for the airport I sat at my computer ready to send a message to the Tarot Blog group saying I could not participate, but something told me not to so I listened.

Now, after this very long and stressful day I am settled in my hotel room, my husband napping in the bed and I decide to give it a go. I open up my iPad and go to the Facebook group to review the theme again before writing my blog post. What I get is the answer to my challenges. The theme for this Tarot Blog Hop was exactly the message I needed to hear. I needed to paint my journey with new life! Starting now!! You see my friends, it doesn’t take much to get a profound message from the Tarot.

Next I pulled my deck and rather then pulling cards at random I deliberately pulled the Fool card and pondered on the image. Picturing myself as the young fearless child beginning her adventure surrounded by her loving Guides. I entered the card in my meditation asking the Guides for their message for me and pulled cards afterwards for even more depth.

So here is what I invite you to do. Please meditate on this image of The Fool card from the Full Moon Dreams Tarot by Lunea Witherspoon.

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Please drink in the image. Let it fill your mind… Once the picture is full in your imagination, close your eyes and enter into the card. Ask each of the guides what message they have for you and how you can paint new life into your journey. When you are done, write it in your journal and if you like draw cards to get more from each message from your guides.

It is Friday March 16 as I type this and I have a wonderful weekend ahead of me to study with a greatly admired and respected teach and I choose for it to be joyful. I won’t be posting this until Monday with my fellow Tarot peers and I will post again on how the weekend went. Until then, Joy to you all! May each day in your life be a journey in itself!

Please follow us to the next blog post with Amethyst Tarot

Tarot for Healing

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This entry from my journal is dated 1/30/03

I used Mary K Greer’s book, Tarot For Your Self  a lot when I first began exploring Tarot and recommend it to anyone that wants to learn how to use Tarot to it’s fullest potential. I encourage you to check out Mary Greer’s Blog as well as use her book for a better understanding of how Tarot can enrich our lives. You can purchase her book here.

I used the World Spirit Tarot for this exercise. By Lauren O’Leary & Jessica Godino
Tarot Deck – 78 Cards – Published by Llewellyn 2001Published by Llewellyn 2006

This was a great exercise for reviewing my life. Mary starts the exercise off by stating, “In order to take control of your life, you need to see it in broad perspective.”  I couldn’t agree more. I will add that honesty is essential in this exercise even if the truth about yourself makes you cringe.

Here is a summary of the exercise from her book:

•List 12 major events that brought you where you are today. Mary emphasizes that it is important to list the 12 major steps that brought you to where you are today.

•Correlate each event with a Minor Arcana card – The What. This should be the card that best illustrates the event.

•Select a court card to represent the aspect of yourself that desired or instigated each turning point – The Who

•Choose a Major Arcana card for each of the 12 turning points to indicate why you made the choice you did – The Why. I used more then one for my turning points.

Event 1 – Daddy’s Death – Out of my control

The What

WS 5 PentsThe What

5 of Pentacles – I felt alone and poor in the sense that I had lost something so important to me.  Locked away from him forever. Even those around me were crippled with loss. It also shows my fear of being alone and feelings of insecurity.

The Why

World Spirit Tower
World Spirit WheelThe Why

I chose The Tower and The Wheel of Fortune.  I chose the Wheel of Fortune because it was a part of my life that I had no control over.  I chose the Tower because it turned my life upside down and completely uprooted my entire feeling of security. I was only 11! The bolt going through the heart represents my pain.

The Who

World Spirit Seer of PentsThe Who

The Seer of Pentacles – because it was my Father always taught us to cherish life. Here is where I made the vow to embrace life.

Event 2 – Mom marrying Pa (I call my Step Father ‘Pa’) – Happy times

The What

World Spirit 3 of WandsThe What

3 of Wands – The man is jumping for joy! The sun is shinning. This guy looks as happy as I felt when Mom married Pa. The bag at his waist is full of coins which represents how I felt secure again once Mom remarried. The river is in the background and we spent so much happy and fun times at the Hudson River!

The Why

World Spirit The Fool

World Spirit TemperanceThe Why

The Fool and Temperance – The Fool was chosen because at this point in my life I started seeing things in a whole new way! A more carefree and happy time then all the years Dad was sick. We had fun!   It was also a time of healing. After all those years being in a home full of sickness and dying we finally had our time to heal as a family.

The Who –

World Spirit Seer of PentsThe Who

Again I chose the Page of Discs. When Pa came into our lives it defined a whole new world that was outside of the four walls of our home. We got out more and explored. I was for the first time (My Dad had been very ill since I was 7) in my life I found a whole new world to explore! Pa had us outside all the time. He was a science teacher as well so there was lots of learning and exploring!

Event 3 – Becoming a born again Christian – I have mixed feelings about this time in my life

The What – 2 of Wands

World Spirit 2 of WandsThe What

This was the first step in my spiritual journey. A truly magical time for me. A part of me cherishes this time and a part of me is a little embarrassed too.  Becoming close to God (the star) and deciding what I was going to believe.  The ocean representing the journey.  However, the person in the card (me) is only paying attention to the one star. He is still not seeing the whole picture.

The Why – The Hermit and the Sun.

World Spirit HermitWorld Spirit Sun

I chose the Hermit because I was exploring deep inside myself and looking for answers. I was also removed from reality.  I was in my own world and “spreading the light”. Although, I did make a connection to God during this time, I lost everything else. I forgot about the ‘real world’.  I also chose the Sun for this time.   This was a very happy time for me. I really felt like I had found what I was looking for.  I was a beautiful Child of God!

The Who – Seeker of Wands

World Spirit Seeker of Wands

I was obsessed with spreading the light!!! So much so I was not looking where I was going! All I wanted was to be close to God. Nothing else mattered to me. No one could tell me different!

Event 4 – Deciding not to give Joey up for adoption – Wasn’t a very hard decision to make. I knew deep down that this was meant to be.

The What – 7 of Cups

World Spirit 7 of CupsThe What

I was under the delusion that this was going to be easy because God was on my side and as long as I had Jesus in my life, everything would be ok. I had no idea all the responsibility and work that lay ahead of me. I was in a dream world. But this misconception is what made me decide to keep my son. I was only 19 at the time and his Dad took off like a bandit so I was alone too. I truly believed that having Jesus in my life would magically make everything work out.

The Why – High Priestess, The Empress and the Moon

World Spirit High Priestess, Empress, MoonThe Why

A force greater then me told me to keep him. It was a voice I could not ignore. I knew it was meant to be.   The motherly love for him was already there. The bond was so strong already that Wild Horses couldn’t drag him from me! He was MY CHILD! My love for him and my protectiveness for him CONSUMED me.   It was an intuitive decision as well.  It was karma.  I knew Joey would play in important role in my life.

The Who- The Seer of Cups

World Spirit Seer of CupsThe Who

I was not listing to what others told me anymore. I was totally listening to my heart and paying attention to what it told me. My love over flowed for him!

Event 5 – Marrying Phil – the beginning of dark times…..

The What- 5 of Cups

World Spirit 5 of cupsThe What

All the things I believed in with my heart and soul knocked over. Destroyed. The feeling of no hope at all. All was lost. Misery.  I had such high hopes (the Unicorn on the hill) but the day after I married him, I felt like all my cups of joy had been knocked over.

The Why – Justice and the Devil

World Spirit Justice
World Spirit Devil
The Why

I felt it was the right (or should I say Christian) thing to do. I wasn’t listening to that inner voice that screamed, “DON”T DO IT!!!!!”  My eyes were covered when I should have been looking.   I was led by the opinions of others (the Church) and not by my own feelings (RUN!!!!).  I let their opinions of my ‘situation’ make my decision.

The Who – Seeker of Wands

World Spirit Seeker of WandsThe Who

Oh, he thinks he is the bomb, but the dumb ass isn’t even looking where he’s going!!!! He is letting a donkey lead the way!!!

Event 6 – Going back to finish College

The What – 2 of Pentacles

World Spirit 2 of DiscsThe What

Why this card??? Because she is juggling too much stuff, of course!  The glasses, the lighthouse, as the goal of graduation. It’s the perfect card.

The Why – Hierophant, Emperor, Justice

World Spirit Hierophant, Emporor, JusticeThe Why

Again, a thirst for knowledge.  A ‘mini’ journey if you will.  I love to learn new things. It makes me feel empowered like the Hierophant is. I felt that having knowledge in the form of a degree would earn me respect.  I wanted to live better. I was tired of waitressing only to barely get by! I wanted to build my life into something meaningful. Besides, my husband made me go back to school. It is the one good thing he did during our marriage!  I knew it was the right thing to do for both myself and my child.

The Who – Seeker of Pentacles

world Spirit Seeker of DiscksThe Who

Now this seeker is going in the right direction! He is looking where he is going and has his eye on his goal. Work, work, work, for 6 more years…. work, work, work…..

Event 7 – Divorcing Phil – The only thing left to do…

The What – 5 of Swords

World Spirit 5 of SwordsThe What

He broke my spirit. He made me believe I was the problem. He controlled me. I felt like the beat up looser by the time I got to the point of divorce.  I can almost hear Phil’s malicious laughter coming from the person in the background.

The Why – Death, World, Justice

World Spirit DeathWorld Spirit the Universe
World Spirit JusticeThe Why

Quite simply, death of the old Amy and birth of a new woman. An Amy on fire at that!  Free!!! Free!!! Free!!!  Saw things in a whole new light. Only answering to myself and realizing that I was not the cause of all the problems!  Quite simply was the only thing left for me to do. There was no balance in my life unless I did this. It was not fair for me to have to live that way.

The Who – Sibyl of Swords

World Spirit Sybil of SwordsThe Who

Don’t mess with me. I will chew you up and spit you out! You made me! I can see beyond your deceitful ways now. I know the truth and the truth has set me free. I will do whatever it takes to protect my children.

Event 8 – Letting Joey live with Phil – One of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

The What – 8 of Swords

World Spirit 8 of SwordsThe What

As painful as it was I felt I had no other choice.  I had no idea what to do and I felt scared and I was getting so many opinion. I couldn’t see what was the truth (Owl) or deceitful (Snake).

The Why – Temperance, Wheel of Fortune

World Spirit Temperance
World Spirit WheelThe Why

Joey was out of control and I could not keep him safe from himself any longer. I also needed a safe and sane environment for my daughter. Phil loved Joey and Joey listened to his Dad. It was what Joey and Rachael needed at the time.  Again, I feel like this decision was out of my hands. It was the hardest decision to make, but once I blocked out all the emotional advise from others and asked myself honestly what was best for my kids, there was only one answer. I also feel, looking back, that Phil and Joey had their own Karma to work out.

The Who – Sage of Cups

World Spirit Sage of CupsThe Who

I had to listen to my heart. To pay attention to what mine and my children’s hearts were crying out for.  Very emotional time.

Event 9 – Not marrying Glenn

The What – 7 of Wands

The What

I was standing up for what I believed in and what I had worked hard to achieve.  Glenn would have sapped me dry.  Important to note it was myself I was standing up to, because the old Amy would have reasoned it away and just done it for the sake of not being alone, but the new Amy said, no! I will have my Soul Mate or I would rather be alone!

The Why – Star, Hanged Man

The Why

With Glenn, my spiritual side would have never blossomed.  I would have been stifled. Glenn was not a bad man, but he wasn’t the right man. I also knew deep down that in this huge world we live in was the perfect person for me. If I found him great, if not, well, perhaps in another lifetime.   I needed time alone. He was suffocating me. Needed to self-asses and re-evaluate. Not the typical thing to do after you become engaged.

The Who – Sibyl of Wands

The Who

Taking control of my life. Knowing what I want and not settling for less. Not needing someone else to feel complete. Take charge and own my life.

Event 10 – Forgiving Phil – the most healing and magical thing that ever happened to me. One doesn’t truly understand the power of forgiveness until one experiences it. Not forced forgiveness, but true heartfelt forgiveness.

The What – 3 of Cups

The What

This was a tough one to pick because this was not just one act or process that led to the forgiveness, which is why I picked this card.  The way they are looking at each other, One woman is touching the other gently.  The circle in the background showing how Phil and I have come full circle.  The Crone in the back is my subconscious saying, “see? that wasn’t so hard, was it?” The bird is singing in joy.

The Why – Sun, World

World Spirit Sun

World Spirit the UniverseThe Why

Truly the best thing I have ever done.  For every one involved. You don’t realize how much hatred and bitterness eat you up inside until you let it go. You are then free to start again.  I am free to dance again! Forgiving Phil was a major accomplishment for my soul’s journey, hence the card that represents the end of a cycle. Karma, karma! I also felt quite literally like a weight was lifted off me when I let it go.

The Who – Sibyl of Cups

The Who

Now I can give back to those I love. The bad feelings I felt toward Phil were holding me back. Now I am free to give and love freely. I can reach out to others that I love now because I am not consumed with negative feelings.

Event 11 – Dealing with Joey’s addiction

The What – 9 of Swords

The What

Pain, pain, pain! Staying up at night wondering where my son is. Is he alive? Torment, pain, no sleep, heartache, pain. There is nothing else. Just my child in danger and there is me feeling helpless.

The Why – Strength

The Why

This is a tough one.  This event in my life ties so many things. If it weren’t for this event, I would have never forgiven Phil.  It’s amazing how stupid your gripes appear when your child’s life is on the line. My decision to keep Joey was based on the belief that he was going to play a big role in my life and other people’s lives. Strength, through all this, I have learned to tame the lion in me.  Am I still on fire, yes, but it doesn’t consume me anymore. Like the tree in the background giving me strength and calmness. Despite all this chaos and pain I have made the decision to be happy, to not let the pain and despair over run me. I believe that happiness is a decision and I choose to be happy. I believe that life can still be beautiful. I will not let my despair take my happiness from me.

The Who – Seeker of Swords

The Who

Nothing can stop me, not even the rain. I will get through this.

Added 2/12/12 – This was written years ago.  Since then my son has been drug free for 8 yrs and has graduated college. I have also married my Soul Mate, Marc, who was well worth the wait and more than I could ever have hoped for in a husband!

The deck, World Spirit Tarot is available through Llewellyn Worldwide.

Illustrations from The World Spirit Tarot used by permission of Llewellyn Publications, P.O. Box 64383, Dept. 1-56718-500-9, St. Paul, MN  55164-0383, USA.  Artwork ©2001 Lauren O’Leary.  Text ©2001 Lauren O’Leary and Jessica Godino.  All rights reserved.  Further reproduction prohibited.